As I lay in my Cranio-sacral session this morning being treated I had the best time. You may wonder what a Cranio-sacral session involves but that is another blog. Right now I want to share about what happened.

I could feel tension in my body trying to release as the therapist worked and as I went into that tension I could see on the right side of my body a man who was tired of having to do everything on his own and be good at everything. His anger and frustration was the pain in my shoulder and lower back and pelvis. “I am sick and tired of it” he felt and said.

Then on my left side I could see a woman arise and she just crumpled and fell in a fearful helpless heap. “I can’t ask for help! They will reject me, there’s no point, nobody really cares.” You have to do this all on your own, there is no one else and I can’t do it”

The man says “Well I am sick of your pathetic excuses. Other people get help, women get help all the time, just go and get some help!!”

Then I am able to see myself as a child running to my parents for help and being turned away or told to go to my room.

Ah that old childhood lesson again playing out unconsciously.

That was how it was when I needed help back then but this is now and these two parts of myself need help to come to an understanding and a place of love and support for each other. So I feel into my body and them and I picture, feel and listen my way through the session to a place of joy and love . I find a new strength and trust in my ability to find help.

As I now doze in real life, my man is now lying in a beautiful meadow in the shade and my female is dancing around all empowered as she recognizes where help is ready for her. The pain and tension in my body has dissolved.

“Don't other people visualise in your sessions?” I asked.

“Actually most people just say that it feels nice” she replied.

Wow, if you don't visualise, you guys are so missing out! I get to go on a fantastic voyage every day. Just like in the 1966 movie I get to explore my inner world and discover incredible things about what is going on. My life is the Matrix, Inception and Alice in Wonderland anytime I want without drugs. The best bit is I get to write the ending.

"As you think so you are, as you imagine so you become." Unknown.

This is not something just I can do, this is something we can all do but we forget how as we grow up in a family, society or culture that belittles time spent daydreaming, playing, acting, singing, creating art and dancing.

Our imagination is shamed out of us and it is the very language of our unconscious. That and the sensations of our body, our feelings and even our thoughts, we are told to ignore all of those too and to listen to other, external authorities.

I remember a story that struck a chord with me about the power of external authority to deny our own inner wisdom that Ken Robinson told of a young girl who was doing a drawing and her teacher asked her what she was drawing. “GOD” she said.

“You can’t draw GOD. No one knows what GOD looks like” the teacher says.

“They will soon” https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_bring_on_the_revolution

There is a whole world, universe in fact, that is inside us, that is just busting to be heard and felt by us and expressed and it is our birthright to do just that. How can we live from our own inner experience if we have forgotten how to listen to it and interact with it?

The disconnection from it is what creates depression, anxiety, addictions and a large array of illness. To connect to our unconscious we just need to tune in our conscious mind like a radio receiver to that incoming information. Our body is relaying all the sensations, thoughts, feelings and observations we need to know what our inner world is trying to tell us all the time.

Tuning in is essential if we want to gain back some control, joy and fun in our lives. Like a captain of a ship we cannot steer it if we do not have a wheel and a rudder and even worse if we have a mutinous crew.

The power of the unconscious is beyond belief. It can drive us to work, feed us, make us sleep, keep us addicted, lose things, all while we aren’t looking. People often say I can’t remember, where I put things, or what I ate or how I got here, or what I was saying because it was our unconscious doing it. So why would we not have a relationship with the very thing that controls every moment of our day and night.

We put all our energy into trying to control things we can’t control; like other people; instead of the one thing that we can control and impacts every part of our lives; our unconscious. If we do not have a relationship with it as we are born to, then we are puppets to it and also to people who know how to control it like advertising, media and external authorities.

Everyone who builds a relationship with their unconscious gains greater control over their lives. Sports psychologists use visualisations to enhance physical performance, so why not use it to enhance emotional performance.

Mindfulness is now becoming a standard recommendation by health care professionals as research shows it has enormous benefits for health, wellbeing and even the length or our lives. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201303/benefits-mindfulness

It is the practice of observing our unconscious mind. Observing what we are thinking, feeling, hearing and sensing. Just by connecting with our unconscious as a non-judgemental observer we can improve both our health and wellbeing. But what if we went one step further and actively worked with our unconscious to change it?

Using our body and our brain to consciously talk back to our unconscious is actually easy but it is like learning to walk for the first time. It takes time for it to become easy and second nature and it can feel difficult and uncomfortable at first. Even getting people to take deep breaths to relax out of an anxious state takes practice.

I know as I have tried every tool in the box to overcome chronic pain, anxiety and depression and I don’t go anywhere now without my imagination and body as my best friends!

I often have family and friends of people who have experienced a major loss contact me and say they are worried that their loved one is not coping. It often only takes one session for me to work out that the person is coping fine it is the dramatic change in their behaviour that leaves others feeling lost as to what to do.

Grief is a healing process for a wound caused by a loss. The wound like a physical one is painful and debilitating. It requires rest, sleep, nutrition and change to adapt to the new environment. What the wound feels like, and what it requires for the person to heal and start their new life will vary for everyone.

The constant is that it is a wound to the persons identity and it takes time for the emotions and thoughts to work out how to heal the wound. Wordens’ tasks of grieving are focused on loss through death of a person but there are significant losses that do not involve the death of a person. Losses through relationship breakups, breakdowns, death of pets, loss of jobs, homes or country and changes in identity such as single to married, childless to parent etc.

Wordens’ tasks adapted version:

To accept the reality of the loss
To work through the pain of grief
To adjust to the environment in which the significant person, pet, purpose or security is missing
To find a permanent connection to the significant loss while moving on with life.

The ways to do these tasks can vary but the only real question is does the behaviour of the person grieving cause any harm or damage to themselves or others? Does the person feel stuck with what they are experiencing over a long period of time. Others judgements of how a person is grieving will only cause them to withdraw and hide their grief and may indeed cause it to become stuck through shame and fear.

To support the grief process in others here are the top 6 tips

Be practical: deliver meals, mow the lawn, pick up the kids.....say your doing it rather than ask. It is hard for people to even know what they need when they are in pain.
Don't use cliches: say what the real truth is for them and you. Usually that you don't know what to say and that you can't imagine what they are going through but you would like to listen and help.
Say the persons name anytime you think of it. Memories are moments of pain but also love and healing
Ask rather than assume things:Some people want to talk about the loss, some people don't some people want company some people don't, and so on,so ask.
Give permission, some people don't want company because they feel uncomfortable about being sad or angry with others around but need to be to grieve. Give permission and create safe space for them to be with you and feel and express what they need.
Listen and don't give advice. When we sit in silence and wait long enough people have their own wisdom that will rise and help them.

I have heard of a culture where a bereaved person sits in a circle with others and feels their feelings and does what they need to do with everyone else as silent witnesses until the person comes to a still place and finds some insight or understanding than then is shared with the whole community. In this way grief is honoured as an important journey for everyone.

Blogs

People don't visualise?!!

Grief: are they coping?

Samantha Rennie